A question I often get asked, is “how to handle an abusive ex-spouse”?
The dread you feel whenever you see a text notification, email or missed call that you will once again be subject to the usual tirade of abuse, blame, narcissistic guilting, when all you want from them is a civilised exchange about the children’s needs, is enough to maintain a constant and un-diminishing level of anxiety that eats away at your ability to function day-to-day.
They assume that because you remain in contact with them for the children’s sake, they have the right to maintain their mental abuse in absentia. It’s no doubt one of the reasons you initiated divorce in the first place. When there are children involved, there is the dilemma of needing to arrange pick up and drop offs, keeping up to date with activities such as performances, sports and other needs that the child cannot do on their own.
It can be difficult to navigate, and in such circumstances you may need to seek legal advice, or report them to the police and pursue a court order. But when the children are older, the entire game changes. They are tech savvy enough to contact you when they feel like it, and are old enough to make arrangements with you directly.
The courts take very seriously the wishes of children over 12 years of age. In such circumstances, why would you continue to submit yourself to ongoing abuse? Block the ex, and you will remove the last remaining grip on power that you allow them to have over you. “But what if something happens to my child?”
Quite frankly, if your child or their siblings wont tell you themselves, then the police will, when they turn up on your doorstep. Or someone else will. Its time you stopped concerning yourself with things outside of your control, and dealt directly with your children. It will show them that you will not allow yourself be be subject to ongoing abuse, and will not tolerate disrespect, by anyone.
It will not only serve as an example for them to follow in their own lives, but it will also force them to take some personal responsibility in engaging with you and nurturing their relationship with YOU, seeing as they can spend all hours of the day and night on social media with their friends.
You deserve to have at least a little of that kind of interaction.
